Wednesday, March 31, 2010

What's Your Face Value?

A smile confuses an approaching frown.


What face do you take with you everyday? Is it one that when people see it they look forward to it or try to avoid it. I am not talking about the physical structure of the face you are born with. I am talking about how you structure your face. What expression do you use most? If you find that most people avoid you or would prefer not to interact with you then you might need to change your face. Not with plastic surgery but with a different expression.


I guess what I am really trying to say is SMILE!!! A smile makes you feel better and makes the people around you feel better. It's not always easy. There are times when you need to Fake It Til You Feel It! But when you develop the habit of smiling more just like laughing regularly you literally signal your brain to release endorphins into your system that are known as the feel good chemical. It's been proven that endorphins are more powerful than heroin. The best part is that it's legal and FREE. Let's face it, there are days when we need to just decompress and take a nap. It is impossible to feel great all the time. That's alright! How about we decide to walk around feeling good at least most of the time.

A smile is infectiuos,

You can catch it like the flu,

Someone smiled at me today,

And I started smiling too.

How infectious are you? Do you inject people with viruses or vitality? I know that I have developed the habit of smiling when I most need it.That is when I start to feel angry or upset with someone or something. I know that if I can smile then I can laugh and that helps me to keep control of my anger or frustration at any given time. You may say that It's not that easy, and you are correct. What habit is easy. It takes focus, practice, and commitment. The more you focus on it and stay committed to it, the easier it gets.

Just think how it feels the next time that you see someone coming towards you that may have an expression on their face that is less than open and inviting. Those are the same feelings and signals that you send if you are using the same expression. I know one thing about life. The older I get the more I realize that my thoughts, expressions, and feelings are all really dependent on what I decide they should be, and not what others or the environment decides they should be.

You will be a much more effective communicator and a whole lot happier if you just get in the habit of SMILING. What's your face worth?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

What is Your Agenda?

"Don't be a time manager, be a priority manager."
---Keith Elkins

Do you start the day with a to do list or agenda of what you want to get accomplished? I know that I do. I need that daily checklist or agenda of things that I need to accomplish, just to stay on task. However, I found that many times I would get derailed from my agenda by the agenda of everyone around me, family, friends, and co-workers. At the end of the day I would look at what I set out to accomplish that day and experience a level of frustration because I didn't even get close.

I would let others impose what they needed to get done on me as if it were more important then what I had planned to accomplish for myself. I am not talking about being selfish and self centered. I am not talking about not being willing to help others. I am talking about you not being responsible for other's to do list. Time management is pretty much a joke. TIME MARCHES ON! We cannot manage time, but we can manage ourselves and our priorities. So, I learned to say "NO"! That was difficult for me because my nature is to help others. But at the end of the day I started to feel a sense of resentment towards the people around me that I love and care about. Not a great feeling to have. Then I discovered that it wasn't their fault at all. It was my responsibility to manage my time as I see fit.

What are your top three priorities for the day?

Because my nature was always to drop everything when someone wanted me to, I discovered that I had literally trained them to expect me to do so. Saying NO was quite the surprise for them. I have developed what I call The Rule of Three. I list in my planner the top three most important things for me to accomplish that day and I stay focused on just that. After doing this I feel better about what I get accomplished and have retrained the people around me to not always expect me to drop all of my priorities for theirs. I now guard my time and my agenda. Funny thing is that it has actually empowered those people around me to do the same for themselves. Interesting how just saying NO can empower everyone.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Who Are You Laughing At?

A long laugh and a good sleep are the best cures in a doctor's book.
--- Irish Proverb

It's been proven that laughter is a healthy and healing habit. So, why don't we do it more often? The medical community has done countless studies that show that comedy, and laughter actually aid in improving psychological, and physiological well being.The greatest skill we can develop as individuals is the skill of laughing at ourselves. As preschoolers we found it easy to laugh. Then when we started our schooling, we developed fears of being laughed at by our peers or being the focus of a joke. Making a mistake in front of others became painful and created fear of failure, criticism, and humiliation.

"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

Woody Allen


Overcoming those fears involves you accepting that failing and making mistakes is a part of a process. Failing forward is an important lesson. Like falling down, if you fall forward, when you get up you are just a little closer to your objective. Provided that you learn from it. The process in learning what not to do and how to correct it. No individual that has experienced any level of success in any area of life has always made the perfect decisions. Keep your sense of humor, and learn to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too serious.

Friday, March 26, 2010

How Big is Your BUT?

"What you do speaks so loud I can't hear what you say".
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you know anyone that is always talking about what they want to be, do, or have yet you never see them do, be , or have any of those things they talk about. Then when you ask about what they wanted to do, be, or have you find out how big their BUT is. Of course I'm not talking about their physical backside. I am talking about their psychological backside. When asked they always say Yeah BUT the weather was bad. Yeah BUT I don't have enough time. Yeah BUT I'm not smart enough. Yeah BUT I don't have enough money. Yeah But my spouse doesn't agree. Does your BUT resemble this?I know that in the past mine has.

Watch your words. They will develop a mindset that will literally paralyze you from taking action on the things you want to do, be, and have. The YEAHBUT is a mysterious and elusive creature like the Lock Ness Monster. Every time you turn around somebody says that they have seen it or a mysterious picture is taken of something that looks like the monster. The YEAHBUT monster will keep you from achieving the things that you want, simply by calling it's name. Work on replacing YEAH BUT with What If? How can I?

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.

Benjamin Franklin

Most definitly when a phrase starts off with a YEAH BUT it is followed with self sabatoge and excuses. Sometimes it makes us comfortable because we have found a reason or excuse to not acheive. Is that really the person that you want to be? Taking baby steps consistently will help us to get closer to doing, being, and having everything that we want. And just remember, when babies start taking their first steps they very often fall on their Buts. Get started today taking those steps and when you fall on your But then you know it's behind you and not in front of you anymore.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

What's Your E.G.O.?

"Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space."
Diana Black


We all have this thing called E.G.O. What is it? Well it can be an incredibly motivating thing when it is used for personal development or service to others. When your E.G.O. drives you to take a sense of pride in learning new things being open minded and always being ready for the people and experiences that you want to come into your life.That E.G.O. I call, (Empowering Great Opportunities). That's when you use your sense of E.G.O. and pride to be good for yourself, your community, and the people you come into contact with. Using that E.G.O. to get through life's challenges and obstacles so you can not just Go forward, but GROW forward.

So often our sense of self or E.G.O. is centered in possessions such as what house we live in, or what car we drive. When your sense of E.G.O. is centered in the pride that you are improving as a human doing and not just a human being then you will start to meet with true success. Success that cannot be measured with money or possessions. So use that E.G.O. energy to improve yourself, because then you can't help but empower those around you.

"Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it."

Colin Powell

Now there is always a polar opposite to every thought process or idea. The opposite of the previous is E.G.O. (Eliminating Great Opportunities). That's when you are focused on your opinion being more important than others. Measuring your success by what you own and not who you become. By being focused on always being right instead of doing the right thing is terribly counter productive and almost paralyzing to any organization, company, team, or family. So the next time you think about your E.G.O. think about which one you will choose.

Friday, March 19, 2010

How Do You FEAR?

"He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret to life."
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson


In the early eighties I had the privilege of teaching Taekwondo at one of Grandmaster Jhoon Rhee's studios in the Washington D. C. metropolitan area. There were about ten studios at that time. All of the instructors were very competitive and most were either world, national, or regional karate champions. Every so often someone would come up with some new group adventure like white water rafting or rock climbing. Someone came up with the idea of skydiving, so everyone followed suit and we set out and found a school that teaches skydiving.

There was a group of about ten of us in this class. The class was a day long class that covers everything from your equipment to all the procedures for skydiving including if and when something may go wrong. Along with our group there was another group of what I like to call "at risk students". All these guys did was cut up and goof off. I don't know about you, but if I am going to jump out of a plane at over 3,000 feet in the air with nothing but a sheet attached to my back I was going to make sure I listened to the instructor.

Love is what we were born with, Fear is what we learned here.

At the end of the lessons it was time for us to get geared up and go up in the plane and JUMP! The At Risk Group went up first. As we were standing on the ground watching them getting ready to jump there was definitely a great sense of anticipation in the air. Well the first guy jumped and his chute came out perfectly. We all applauded because the chutes seemed to be working. The next guy jumped and the same thing happened. However guy number three jumped and his chute came out fine, but instead of grabbing the cords that help to control the chute he grabbed the release straps and completely released his chute.

Everyone was terrified. He was potentially falling to his death right before our eyes and then at the last minute he released his safety chute and saved himself. I guess he should have focused more in class that day. Well at that point it was our turn to go up. Needless to say we were just a bit nervous but instead of focusing on that, we started quizzing each other on all the procedures we had learned in class that day.

Once we reached over 3000 feet, I looked out of the window and made the comment that the ground looks just like pictures that I had seen where everything looked miniature. My friends laughed and said; you act like you have never been in a plane before. Well I never told them but, I had never been in a plane before. When they found out they thought I was crazy. I then asked; had you ever jumped out of any of the planes that you had flown in? The answer was no. They had flown, I had not but none of us had ever jumped out of a plane.

At that time the Jump Master called my name to jump first. I really didn't want to be first, however there was no turning back. I instantly focused on the things I had learned in class. The jump master was going to give me three commands. 1. Step out onto the platform. 2. Pull yourself out. 3. JUMP!!! The jump master also informed me that if I did not jump then he would proceed in kicking me off because the wind was so strong he could not reach out to pull me back in. Well needless to say I am here today, which means my chute worked well.

You talk about feeling FEAR. That moment that I had to jump was pure fear energy. The one powerful lesson that I received is the fact that we all have fears and challenging things that happen in our lives. Facing your fear is the greatest challenge and has with it the greatest rewards. Fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of criticism, or whatever else your fear may be, will often cause you to experience what I call FREEZE FEAR. That's when you are fearful and only focus on what can go wrong and what you can't do. I have found that fear is energy like happiness or excitement. To get closer to using it use FOCUSED FEAR. Use that energy to say I am afraid but what can I do about it. Remember what you focus on expands. So get your fear FOCUSED!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Rate Your Gratitude!

"Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude."
--- Zig Ziglar



If you had to rate your Attitude when you wake up in the morning. How would you rate yourself? Good, Great, or Gross. Not everyone pole vaults out of bed in the morning like an Olympic athlete hyped up on adrenaline and jumps right into the day. We all have our rhythms and rituals for starting the day. I have made it my ritual that when my eyes open up I say "Good morning God" and thank you for another day. Rather than "Oh God It's Morning"!

That sense of gratitude every day helps me to set the tone. Let's face it our time on this earth is borrowed, the energy we are given has to be given back one day, so use your energy everyday to it's fullest. Gratitude is a powerful force in appreciating every relationship, experience, and action that we take. That G in gratitude is how I measure my attitude towards the day. I ask myself are you Great, Good, or GROSS? If you ask the right question you will get the right answer. Sometimes the answer is GROSS. At that point I can determine whether I want to correct it or just be gross that day. It's a choice!

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

John F. Kennedy

When you think about it. How fast can you change? Just like that! Many people will say it's not that easy. Well if it was all that easy everyone would do it. Ask a better question; How important is it to me? Remember, How quickly can you get mad? Just like that! How quickly can you get sad? Just like that. What you focus on expands. So, watch what you focus on. Your thoughts are so powerful and many times conditioned. You have the ability to re condition your present thought process if it is important to you.

Just keep in mind. On a scale from 1 to 10. What is your Gratitude for the day? RATE YOURSELF!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I.Q. Vs. I WILL

"The key to success is to take massive, determined action."
--- Tony Robbins



My post is really about taking action and not procrastinating. Very often we all have a tendency to wait for the perfect situation or the perfect time to take action on the things we want to do, have, or be. If that's the case start building that casket and jump in because there is no perfect time other then that moment you decide. If you are waiting for the economy to get better, or the new president to be in office, or for everyone to agree with your decisions, then you are likely to fail before taking the first step.

I have been full of shoulds in the past and have to watch myself even to this day. Things like I should workout today, or I should eat better, or I should spend more time with my family. I finally decided to stop shoulding all over myself. Just like that Nike slogan "Just Do It". When you decide, get committed on what you decide and GO! Oh, that's it though, that dreaded word Commitment! If we commit ourselves there is no turning back and that may be painful because we can't just quit when we want to.

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing."

Albert Einstein

We live in a society today that has such a commitment phobia that now more than 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Parental cop out is rampant with parents not making the statement to there children "Me Parent You Child". There should be no grey area when it comes to that. Parents wanting to save their children from experiencing any disappointment or failure. These are all processes that help to form their character. They need to experience them and as a parent we need to teach them how to use adversity to improve their lives.Discipline is empowering for children now and in there future.

Let's face it, making progress in your career, relationships, parenting, finances, spirituality or just about anything else is not so much about your I.Q. as it is about your I WILL. What are you willing to do right now to take a step in the direction of creating a life that you have only imagined. We all have within us everything we need if we just get started.